The girls and I have so much to do today. Elle has play therapy at 11, we have a play date at 1230 and acting at 430. Then, once J gets home we have dinner plans with one of the amazing women who have befriended me from BBMs. (Building Better Mom’s). I spent most of the weekend one on one with my hubby, the first time since our bubby passed. It was mostly nice…we had a double date Saturday night and Sunday morning went and saw “A Tour of Jerusalem” with our small group and had lunch at Holy Land Cafe. It was a very nice experience, but that means we didn’t get to church and I missed it. Our sermon series is “Why?”, which I will have to figure out how to catch up on this week before we leave Friday for London. So, I was very sure to fit in devotional time this am, my heart and head don’t align very well when I push God out of my schedule. And, it touches right where I need it, as always. Putting this to “paper” isn’t easy, but this is really just for me so judge away if you feel the need. I get scared. I get scared of the darkness and the images of my baby boy’s face as he is slipping away from me. I get scared of seeing him in the darkness and him haunting me because I couldn’t save his life. And, the more I allow it to be in my mind, the worse it gets. I have been leaving the lights on when I am alone and staying away all of the bedrooms upstairs that we don’t currently use. So, God decided enough was enough and as I read my devotion this morning he took my face in his hands and looked into my eyes and spoke the words “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.” Literally that is the first sentence of my devotion. Wow, i am in awe of you Jesus. Those are the words I will repeat out loud when I start to fear. Fear of the darkness literally and figurative, fear of keeping my babies safe in this world and fear of not knowing all the answers.