Today is Feb 9th, our K-1’s have to be done in the next couple of days so we can do our personal taxes by next Wednesday. I have been on it! Just one more item to check on the QB file and then on to the next QB file, lol. I thought I could just pop in a memory stick of Otto’s pictures for a second and then keep working. You would think a couple of months in I would know better than that. My chest gets heavy and I realize I don’t want to go anywhere near those pictures now. I couldn’t even get more than a few pages into his Parent-Teacher conference book before I shut it and didn’t go back. I feel pretty darn guilty for this evasive maneuvering I’m doing, but I’m going to do it anyway. I miss him and would give my life for him, but I can’t bear to look at his picture or think about him. I mean really think about him. This typing I am doing now is just a skipping stone on the water, and the watering hole is really a mining tunnel that found China. So I distract myself with the thought of making a locket to have him near my heart, to have all of my babies near my heart, physically that is. Because I know it will come to mean a lot to me and I want it to be precious. Shoot. I want to hold every single thing that I can relate to Otto with that same preciousness…I started keeping everything Elle has made and all the things their little friends have made, and I can just see someday my face on the tv show Hoarders. Eh, it is what it is. My devotion discusses feeling anxiety and loneliness when we let our minds go into neutral. I know from my recent experience that the day of riding without thinking is followed by a day of dark heartedness. Sp, I will pray now that my heart and thoughts be focused on the Lord tomorrow because I know only he can carry me through the day. (I know my husband would try but after knee surgery that’s probably a bad idea 🙂 Good night and God bless…every night now Elle, Alyse and I pray for our little family, Otto included, our grandparents, our beloved family and all the people who we care about and who care about us. Thank you for being those people…thank you so very much.
Hey lovey. I was doing great the last couple of days. I was in turn a little at church this morning Iam holding fast to His Word. There is joy in the suffering because we trust Him & His truth says that His plan is not our plan. We are not to place blame or guilt anywhere but seek Him in all these trials. We’re not supposed to be surprised when trials come upon us but know our King is deepening our faith in Him. I love you more than ever!